Proper Goodbye



All of my life, I've only said only a handful of proper goodbye. One of the most vivid memory my proper goodbye was from when I was about 15 years old. He was my first boyfriend and we were breaking up because I had to go back to Jakarta to continue my high school there, and he stayed in Bogor. We were just going out for about 5 months when we graduated from junior high. I don't remember much about the talk itself, but I remember feeling peaceful and calm, and suddenly so old because I think I said something like, "We had our moments, and we care about each other, but I can't stay in this relationship because it would be really difficult to maintain a long distance relationship with you." For me, it was one of the easiest things I've ever said, even when it really hurt back then. So, we said our goodbyes, we promised to keep in touch (we didn't, well, at least back then), and went our separate ways. Now, he lives abroad with his growing family and we stay in touch through emails and messages. When his father passed away two years ago, I went to his hometown and we talked like we never lived apart. To this day, he's one of a very few person in my life who know me from when I was young, apart from my family.

So that's my proper goodbye, one of the very few I ever did. I've done so many inappropriate goodbyes, I've lost count. Disagreement, discord, fight, breaking up with loved ones, usually make me feel helpless and hopeless, and I'm quite drained from all of those negative energy. It's hard to do a proper goodbye when we are consumed with anger, sadness, disappointment, and very negative thoughts. It is also hard, when the break up is unrequited or not consensual.

My idea of proper goodbye is sitting down in a nice, respectable, quiet, rather private place, with tea or coffee, so a civilized conversation can occur. It's hard to go ballistic on someone in a decent place, and it's even harder when it's involving coffee or tea, or both. All the people involved in the process should say things that they needed to say and other people should be able to just listen without correcting or objecting. When all the things are done said, all should shake hands, bow, hug, kiss, or whatever is accepted, turn around, and walk away without looking back.

I'm still trying to do one proper goodbye. I've tried, but nothing worked so far. But I'm still hoping to leave a nice note, a kind and gentle reminder of how good it was and how meaningful it was. Someday, I want to sit down and say my goodbye, in person, and leave without any regret of resentment.

If I could do it when I was 15, I should be able to do it today.

To read more about Knowing When to Say Goodbye, you can read from here.

Picture was borrowed from here.

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