Acting Out

Acting out (noun): 

  1. A (usually irritating) impulsive and uncontrollable outburst by a problem child or a neurotic adult.
  2. (Psychiatry) the display of previously inhabited emotions (often in actions rather than words); considered to be healthy and therapeutic. 
I used to have a friend that I could talk to anytime, about anything. Then one day, he just cut all ties with me. 

So, as someone with separation and trust issues, I felt so betrayed, hurt, down, and angry. I took it hard. I did everything I could to manage all the negative emotions I had (and still have to this day). But as ordinary human, I could only do so much. Sometimes I failed, hard.

For the record, I've always been so vindictive as long as I could remember. I hold grudges like no body's business. And the worst part is, I have literally no one I could talk to about how I felt and went through. 

So, I flipped out. I went ballistic crazy and did all sort of things that normal people, in their right minds, won't even think of. 

I had done it before, once. It was not pretty. 

My acting out this time, is nothing. Yeah, trust me, this time it's nothing compare to what I have done before. I did things I'm not proud of. If someone did things that I did, to me, I'd sue the hell of my own ass. 

To be clear, this is not an explanation, or even an apology. 

This is the version of myself I rarely shown. Consider yourself lucky because maybe for once in your life, you've found someone who will be as honest as possible. No bullshit, not nice, and always truthful. It's not pretty, yes. But hey, beauty fades away and ugliness usually stays.

Picture was borrowed from here.  


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