Resiliency: The Rubber Band in All of Us





Resilient (adjective): Recovering readily from adversity, depression, or the like. 


Yesterday I had a discussion about resiliency, in English. The discussion was held to help one of my co-worker who will face her dissertation defense in a couple of months, in English. Because English is not her first language, so, she thinks that she needs help to improve her speaking and comprehension. 


At the beginning of the discussion, the question was raised about a person who we personally think resilient. I knew who I wanted to talked about already, so I asked if I could start. I began telling about this friend of mine who dealt with lots of personal issues and struggle since childhood, alone, and now does his family and himself proud by making his own life on his own. I think my story was the perfect example of a resilient person. 


After I finished telling my story, Gabi began to tell her story, also about a friend, but on the exact opposite of the resiliency line. She told us about her friend, also with issues and problems, but nothing major like my friend, yet, she tends to make everything as if the world around her was collapsing. A drama queen, if you can simplified it. Sindy also shared a similar story, about people in her life that weren't resilient enough. 


The conversation turned into people who lied constantly. The question about the difference between conscious lying and delusion emerged, and I think it's interesting that for some people, the lies that they told began to blur out the edges between what's real and not, then they'd started to loose contact with reality. They started to believe in their own lies. For what I know, some people uses lies to defend themselves, to survive. Other people uses lies to manipulate and control other people, the exact opposites of being resilient.


I personally think that resiliency is the rubber band that all of us have inside. A good rubber band has to have the ability to stretch when needed. That ability to stretch depends on many things, like innate potentials, childhood experience, relationship with parents, culture, and the hardship that they have to deal through out their lives. People with  straight lines lives usually are not really equip with good or even many varieties of coping skills. On the other hand, people with many ups and downs in their lives are usually good at handling problems and dealing with their own emotions. But sometimes, it's not really that simple. Because you can also learn a lot from other people stories and experience, but you have to be willing to open up and be accessible to other people around you. 


Problems and obstacles that we face as human, small or huge, are the stretch we need. They are important part of who we are as human beings. They shape us into the person that we are now and the better person that we can be. 


I think all of us should embrace challenges, be kind to haters, and learn from mistakes. They're all our greatest  teachers to be resilient. 

Picture of a rubber band ball was borrowed from here.

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