My new favorite tv show-KBS' Chit Chat of Beautiful Ladies

Acara talkshow Korea ini ditayangkan di KBS, dua minggu sekali. Saya beruntung bisa menonton acara ini dengan subtitle Bahasa Inggris.

Kenapa saya suka acara ini?

Pertama, acaranya sederhana banget. Cenderung kaya arisan ibu-ibu komplek tapi ada topik dan moderatornya. Pesertanya adalah perempuan-perempuan ekspat yang tinggal di Korea. Ada orang Indonesia juga. Mereka semua bisa berbahasa Korea. Host-nya laki-laki, dan ada juga bintang tamu reguler selebriti dari Korea. Perempuan-perempuan "cantik" peserta acara ini banyak, dan mereka menjadi peserta secara bergantian.

Kedua, topik pembicaraan mereka intinya adalah kehidupan di Korea dilihat dari kacamata seorang ekspat. Yang diomongin hal-hal yang menurut saya penting gak penting. Misalnya, siapa sih yang selebritis Korea yang lagi naik daun dan apa pendapat para perempuan ini tentang mereka. Terus ada lagi hubungan antara anak dan orangtua di Korea dibandingkan dengan hubungan anak dan orangtua di negara-negara lain. Penonton juga kadang-kadang ditanya, dari perempuan-perempuan yang ikutan acara tsb, siapa yang paling ideal untuk dijadikan istri. Tuh, gak penting kan? Tapi lucu....

Perempuan cantik favorit gue di acara ini namanya Christina Confalonieri. Christina orang Italia yang menikah dengan warga negara Korea dan bekerja di Korea. Dia menjadi semacam konsultan bagi orang-orang asing yang bekerja dan tinggal di satu daerah di Korea. Kalau ngomong dia selalu sambil tersenyum lebar. Udah gitu suaranya dia unik, agak berat dan sengau. Nah, yang bikin saya selalu pengen ketawa tiap kali dia ngomong adalah logatnya. Dia fasih berbahasa Korea dengan logat Italia! Bingung kan lo? Terus karena dia orang Italia, cara dia berbicara sangat ekspresif, lengkap dengan lagu dan mimik muka yang menurut saya komik banget.

Perempuan lucu lain:

Guzal Tursunov Saidahmedovna : dari Uzbek, cantik..... banget!

Sayuri Fujita: sejenis kucing, hihihi....

Eva Popeil: dia juga lucu, mungkin karena setengah Jepang. Sahabatnya Sayuri.

Undangan laknat

Masalah sepele kaya ngasih undangan aja bisa bikin gue tambah bete hari ini. Setelah dua hari sebelumnya ribut gara-gara masalah pertanyaan yang diajukan secara tidak appropriate, dan membuat kemarin gue harus menghadapi konsekuensinya, hari ini gue jadi mellow berat. Setelah makan siang mood gue membaik. Tapi, pas ngasih2 undangan, ada satu orang yang berkomentar, "Bukannya orang ini maunya gak banyak orang tahu dia merit ya, jadi lo ngasih undangannya jangan terlalu diumbar dong."

Pertama, masih bagus masih gue kasihin langsung ya ke orangnya undangan2 itu, harusnya tuh orang yang komentar yang nganter2 undangan.

Kedua, gue gak dipesenin bahwa gue nganter undangannya harus ala kurir narkoba yang bisik-bisik sambil ngasih amplopnya di bawah meja atau di pojokan jalan sambil ngumpet di balik mobil dan celingak celinguk takut diliat orang. Jadi gue mengantarkannya sambil ketawa-tawa dan bilang, "Bukan, ini bukan undangan kawinan gue!"

Ketiga, maksud hati mau menghibur diri sendiri (karena bukan undangan gue yang gue kasih ke orang-orang) jadi malah disalahin orang lain, nasib... nasib....

Keempat, niat mulia gue mau koreksi jadi hancur dan instead gue malah nulis blog ini.

Damn!

Gambar dipinjam dari www.romance-fire.com

The Power of Love

The Power of Love
Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

By: Ellen McGrath

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.

Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.
Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.
Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.
There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.
Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.

Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.
Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.

Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real. Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected, this isn't really evidence of inadequacy. I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me, this is something I just didn't know how to do and now I'll learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

Artikel dari
Psychology Today Online, 1 December 2002
Last Reviewed 30 Mar 2009
Article ID: 2486
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles

Warriors

All of my life I've known them
their names, faces, voices

I spent great part of my childhood in their home
They taught me to walk in between paddy field patches
showed me how to catch frogs and toads
took me to waterfalls nearby

I was their pet
because they didn't have any sister
well, not yet
because three would eventually come

I was always came home with blisters and warts and bruises
my skin was always too tan from playing outside all the time
but I was always happy

What I didn't know until much, much later
was how hard their lives were
their father's beating
growing up without enough money
or luck

Their tough exteriors tell it all
the wild animal tooth necklace
the earings and piercing
the tattoos
the not so friendly faces
the roughness of their hands

But they're all have one thing in common
children will melt in their hands
and the toughness disappear from them
once they have a child inside their arms

It's so absolute that you could bet your mother's life on it

Once you saw their faces around children,
you won't buy their tough looks anymore
inside they are just humans
with warrior skins and armours
to protect themselves
from their previous (and some ongoing) harsh lives

gambar dipinjam dari http://www.headhuntertaxidermy.com

Custom made knives

Namanya Agustinus Dino Febrianta, panggilannya Dino. Pekerjaannya sehari-hari adalah mekanik di bengkel mobil dan operator mesin di pabrik rokok di Jogjakarta. Pekerjaannya yang lain banyak. Selain menjadi teman SMS yang baik buat saya, dia juga bisa membuat pisau. Custom made, dari nol. Dino pertama kali membuat pisau saat SMP. Dia pernah cerita pisau pertamanya dipakai ayahnya dan patah.
Sampai sekarang, Dino sudah membuat 30 bilah pisau. Saya punya 4 di antaranya. Kebanyakan pisau-pisaunya diberikan ke teman dan kenalannya. Dino hanya menyimpan satu pisau yang dibuatnya. Setelah berulang kali dibujuk, dia akhirnya bersedia go public dan menerima pesanan pembuatan pisau custom made.
Bahan pisaunya biasanya tergantung persediaan, kebanyakan karbon baja. Dino juga bisa membuat pisau dari bahan-bahan bekas. Untuk pisau standar ukuran 30 cm rata-rata dapat diselesaikan dalam waktu 18 jam. Dengan kesibukannya bekerja full time dan seringkali harus lembur, Dino berpesan bahwa siapapun yang ingin memesan pisau darinya harap bersabar menunggu pisaunya dibuat.
Harga pisau mulai dari 200 ribu untuk pisau ukuran kecil dengan bahan dan spesifikasi standar. Semakin baik kualitas bahan, ukuran dan banyak variasi, semakin mahal harga pisaunya.

Berikut cara membuat pisau ala Dino (basic stuff, tanpa resep dan taktik rahasia lain):

1. Bahan ditempa supaya keras dan menjadi bentuk kasar.
2. Bentuk kasar dihaluskan dengan gerinda, kikir, amplas supaya halus dan tajam
3. Setelah tajam dan mengkilap disepuh (hardening).
4. Bahan dibakar sampai membara, dicelupkan ke minyak (nabati atau oli bekas).
5. Poles dengan amplas halus supaya tidak mudah patah.
6. Bakar lagi tetapi jangan sampai membara.
7. Diamkan pada suhu kamar lalu poles kembali.
8. Pasang gagang dari bahan kayu, kulit, plastik atau fiber.
9. Poles kembali lalu asah sampai tajam.

Bagi yang berminat memesan pisau custom made buatan Dino, bisa menghubungi saya via japri. Hanya melayani pembeli serius dan berminat untuk memiliki pisau custom made.

Niken's Wedding

I attended my cousin Niken's wedding last weekend in her hometown Sukorejo, an hour and a half drive from Semarang. I didn't expect much as my plane took off from Jakarta. But the weekend just kept getting entertaining as I strode along that wedding (and my big family there).
First, there was my uncle with his calls. He's been calling me like ten times ever since he knew that I was going to attend her daughter's wedding. I knew he meant well, but calling me in odd hours and asked the same questions over and over again came close to being annoying. Then, it was my father with his calls. Believe it or not, his questions were quite similar to my uncle's.
Second, I had to wait for my sister who took the night flight so we could share cab ride to Sukorejo. Guess what, her flight was delayed for two hours! I finally had enough and went downtown Semarang to get something to eat. Luckily, I had the chance to eat at Toko Oen, my favorite restaurant there. When finally my sister's plane arrived, I was ready to go to sleep right there on the cab's seat. But my sister had to tell me about her own wedding plan and I had to give suggestions. Me and my big mouth! The first face that I saw when I got off the cab was my dearest cousin Mas Dino, the eldest of the seven siblings. The cab driver ruined my little reunion when he asked for extra 20.000 from the supposed fee, but it didn't bug me long. I saw the whole gang but missed seeing my nephew and nieces, they're all toddler and fast asleep. I drank some, eat some. It was so nice to see all of my cousins in one room, talking and sharing stories. Dian, the youngest, said to me two weeks earlier that she never saw my sister, and my sister said that she never saw Dian. Their whole lives, they never met. It was so funny watching those two when they finally saw each other for the first time.
Third, I specifically said to my uncle that I didn't want to share room with my sister because she makes noises with her teeth when she sleeps and it annoys the hell out of me. But nobody believes me. And since the inn was full, I had to share room with her. And she made those noises all night.
So OK, wedding day. I had a feeling I would be upset before the day's over, and I was kinda right. The ceremony at church was schedule at 8 AM. My, who in the right mind would have a wedding ceremony at dawn? It was Saturday, for crying out loud... I usually get up around 10 at Saturdays. Oh, and by the way, I hate wedding ceremonies at church because I got dumped once during a wedding ceremony at church. I always want to cry not because I was moved or happy, but because I always remember the pain of being dumped.
Anyway, I always like the idea of getting dress-up for a wedding, so I was happy to put on my kain panjang (I bought it at Ina Craft) and a new blouse. My mom was kinda surprise that my sister and I refused to have our hair and make-up done (because we could do it ourselves) and she went to have hers done, but came back defeated because the line was so long. At church, I sat with cousin Dino with our nephew Iko and niece Anaphalis. In the middle of the ceremony, I had to go outside. It was becoming more unbearable for me. After taking a breath, I went back inside. Iko and Anaphalis have gone to play together and I was there trying to compose myself when suddenly Mas Dino began to talk to me. It made me calm a little bit and we started to mock the wedding together. The fact that the bride tried to make her own wedding ceremony into her own concert was hilarious for me.
Since Niken works as a police officer, her boss came to the wedding reception to give speech. I was hanging out with my sister and Teni, Mas Dino’s brother outside the hall. I personally felt uncomfortable with the whole dark light scheme inside, so I chose to stay outside. I wasn’t too crazy to be there because the MC was overexcited and the speech was too formal, so I went back to my uncle’s house with Teni and my sister. I changed my outfit and spent some time with my cousins. My father, mother, and sister went to Jogja. I wouldn’t go with them because I didn’t want to get too tired for my flight home.

you

I really don’t know how to explain
Or even say things about you
If I ever should
Or force to

Some say I’m the kind of person
That always get what I want
No matter what
In any way

When I say to myself that
I need to feel something again
It never occured to me
That I will get to you

You splited your only candy with me
Gave up your favorite toy for me
Kept my secrets from the rest of the world
And forgave me repeatedly

There are only few people
That I’m proud to say mine
And you are
Definately on top of that list

Gambar dipinjam dari: amyschuffphotography.com/blog/

Desa Sumber, Ambarawa

Mata air yang tidak pernah kering (hence the name Desa Sumber). Dulu masjid yang ada di sebelah mata air ini terbuat seluruhnya dari kayu dan bambu, jadi lebih alami. Orang setempat menyebutnya surau, dan buat gue, nama itu jauh lebih 'cantik' dibandingkan masjid atau musola.

Mata air alami ini saking besarnya sampai membentuk danau mini, dengan pohon-pohon besar tumbuh di sekelilingnya. Ada dua tempat pemandian umum yang sampai sekarang masih dipakai oleh warga setempat. Mereka menyebutnya sebagai pancuran. Ada yang buat perempuan dan laki-laki. Saya sering mandi di pancuran sewaktu kecil dan berlibur di rumah Mbah Putri, tetapi setelah remaja dan dewasa, saya mulai merasa malu. Para warga desa mandi setengah telanjang bahkan telanjang di pancuran sambil mengobrol dan mencuci pakaian. Saya selalu mandi cepat-cepat dan berharap pancuran sedang sepi saat saya ke sana. Padahal mandi di pancuran menyenangkan. Airnya dingin dan banyak serta sangat bersih.

Mata air ini secara berkala "dikuras" untuk membersihkan daun-daun rontok yang menyumbat saluran air ke pancuran. Ayah saya pernah bercerita sebelum mata air dikuras ia pernah naik ke atas salah satu pohon besar dan terjun ke dalam mata air itu. Saat dimarahi oleh beberapa warga, ia selalu berkata, kan besok mau dikuras, jadi tidak apa-apa kan kalau saya berenang di sini sekarang?

Flowers along the way

I've always like flowers, since I was a child. I think this liking started because of my dad who liked to photographed me with flowers on my hair when I was just a little girl. When I was 15 I learned to use my dad's camera and started to take pictures of flowers, just like him. I like to use the macro shot. The liking continues until now. Whenever I see flowers, I just have to take pictures.

Gua Maria Kerep, Ambarawa

Orang pergi ke Gua Maria biasanya untuk berdoa atau retreat atau menyepi dan lainnya. Saya pergi ke Gua Maria Kerep di Ambarawa untuk people watching-melihat orang-orang yang ada di sana. Saya berharap menemukan beberapa orang lansia yang dengan tekun berdoa, mungkin sambil menangis. Atau menemukan pasangan-pasangan yang sedang "mojok" di sudut-sudut sepi (mungkin mereka berdoa dengan cara mereka sendiri).

Ternyata saya malah menemukan Gua Maria yang sudah tidak "perawan" lagi. Dulu, tempat ini begitu asri dan alami. Sekarang, Gua Maria Kerep lebih menyerupai tempat wisata dibandingkan tempat ibadah dan devosi. Kesan pertama seperti resort atau lapangan golf. Banyak sekali yang saya rasakan hilang dari Gua Maria Kerep yang saya kenal sebelumnya. Dibandingkan dengan Sendang Sono misalnya, Gua Maria Kerep lebih funky, lebih moderen, dan keren; tapi tidak memberikan kesan sebagai tempat ibadah yang membuat orang bisa merasa tenang, damai, sejuk, dan khusyuk dalam menjalankan doanya.

Short vacation

I went to Jogja and Ambarawa last week for a short vacation. My main goal is to see my cousin, who was having personal problems and needed my ears (and shoulder). I stayed in a hotel in Jogja for two nights, just for fun. I also spent a night in my uncle's place with his two boys. They've grown so fast! The second picture was taken in my hotel room, I was wearing my cousin's necklace (he left it and felt weak all day :-) I wanted to go to Ambarawa to visit my one and only remaining grandparent, my father's mother. The third picture is a fresh water lake near my grandmother's house. Even in the worst drought, it never ran out of water. Turned out, one of my cousins were there also and she never went to see one of our relatives that lives on the hill. So we both went there and saw my grandmother's brother. The fourth picture was taken on the road to the hill, with beautiful bamboo trees. I also visited Gua Maria in Kerep, also in Ambarawa area. It was weird to see this of religious destination turned into some kind of tourist attraction with golf course like atmosphere (first picture). It was so sad...